Too much work

Was talking to my gf, SRT and one of the topics was "there's no ugly but lazy women." To certain extent, this is true coz males are visual creatures and women need to take care of themselves to 'keep them interested'.

We chatted about one of our ex-mates who was facing marital problems when her male counterpart thought that he had some 'mojo' at his age and shape. In addition, our mate was plus sized. This kept me thinking that I couldnt let myself go even though if I'm attached or even married coz the males were hungry to look at young and nubile nymphs.

Was talking to SL awhile ago and he mentioned that there were many girls who were posing with his bro. The first thing that it came to mind was he was regretting the fact that he's been 'out of scene' for too long and envious of his bro's attractions to the opposite sex.

TO SL :
I KNOW THAT I'M NO LONGER ATTRACTIVE NOW! CANT FIT THOSE BEAUTIFUL CLOTHINGS ANYMORE. YES, I'M FAT IF YOU WANNA ME TO ADMIT ABOUT THIS. BUT LOOK AROUND THERE ARE SO MANY WOMEN WHO ARE FATTER THAN ME!ARE YOU HAPPY NOW SINCE I'M WRITING THIS OFFICIALLY? ARE YOU REGRETTING AFTER ALL THIS WHILE?

I really duno what to do now and trying to reduce weight as well as having regular meals. Sick and tired of the media bombarding the zero 0 models and models with boyish figure...argh!I'm trying hard to 'doll-up' myself when I'm going out. Women doll-up is to attract the opposite sex. However, I duno feel pretty anymore especially I detest the way I look in the mirror. Big is also not that beautiful even though media also try to glamorize plus sized.

I wanna be healthy.

Hating myself now!