I'm sorry is what that I can say

Well, the absence of my blogging was due to the weariness and tiredness of my body. I've been an complete bitch.

I've became so fat that I feel disgusted to look at my body whenever I'm standing in front of the mirror. What the person on the other side of the mirror shows fats deposit in every part of my body. I feel so grotesque. In the past, I used to have such great looking figure (sans my face) before I started to work. Each time when I put on some weight, I told myself that I could get rid of it. Soon, my weight had risen so much that I could no longer fit in an Asian size Large. It reminded me how I used to mock at my younger sis for being a plus sized and the difficulties she faced. Now, it's happening to me. Karma comes around and bites me real hard.

While my weight is increasing, my self-confidence is on a sharp decline and it's a perfect contrast. My self-confidence is withering away without me even noticing it. In Asian society, no parents seem to praise their child for looking nice. They keep saying that you are ugly. But someone did. He's none other than SL.

My gf is getting married on 16 June and her theme for both day and night is white and black respectively. Ever since I've grown fat, black has been my best fren in whatever material it may be. White is an enemy. Hence, I do have a collection of clothes that can attend funerals almost everyday (no offence to anybody).

There was dress that I've bought for another good gf. I thought I could use it. But I was wrong. With my horizontal expansion, the dress felt tight in the bust area and there was a patch that I didnt realised how it was in the beginning. The dress is retro-looking, a style that I like. It's not cheap and this is one item that I may need to bid goodbye to. Simply a waste of my money.

Was rushing to find that dress and not gonna spend big money. It's not just white. It has to be free from any print. Off I go in search of my avoided color. Coupled with anxiety and frustration, I was pressurized for the need to find that dress on Friday. Choices were rather limited as it needs to be pure white and my bust is big. Argh!

My frustration was fuelled was SL's mockery of my difficulties. I exploded, of course. Shouted at him that "Yes, I am FAT! Are you happy now?" Was ignoring him after that coz I was simply frustrated. I really couldnt find a decent dress for a relatively low budget. We scouted shopping malls till I went to my usual haunt for cheap bargains. I came across a shop that I saw a couple of potential dresses since there were white. Finally, found 1 sleeveless satin dress. Now, I have to rely on my resources to make this outfit sparkle.

In the end, the date had left a bitter taste in my mouth as I was the cause of this.