Daily or Periodic

Would like to say sorry to my internets for not updating my daily musings and have not been in the right frame of mind. Not too motivated to do anything.

Had blogged about this before and had discovered that these people had specific invited guests in their minds. They had rented a place to practise. I could only say that those people are in the exclusive group and dont think I should beat myself up for this.

No, I will not cut my nose to spite my face. Will find a place to do. If not, will practise at home or in socials.

PS : One of the dudes' attitude had changed and it seemed like he could not be bothered to dance with me or some others.

PPS : These people had exhibited really childish behaviors.

Dance Class

This is another instalment of what's happening in my dance class.

I always feel like I'm an outsider peeping through the hole to view the insiders.

IMHO, there was somebody in class who was viewing me as some kind of competition. It seems that way. Had a chat with one of those in her camp. Apparently, she feels the same way. (Cant describe too much down here.)

Honestly, I think it's like weird cos she was the one that blew cold air and remove me from her facebook. How funny!

I should thank that person coz without these actions, I would not have discovered the 'gems' in my class.

At the same time, I wonder am I sensitive coz I think that my instructors are giving me cold / hot treatment as well. I knew one remark that they had made in class was directed to me.

Begin to wonder is it my size and they thot that I was heavy and that's an obvious reason. The others I really dont know and of no wish to know.

PS : I will / must concentrate in my class coz I could see the changes in my body and understand more to perform the movements! Hooray!

Anger and Pain

Oh boy, this will turn to a long entry.

Have you ever have that feeling that you are meant to do great things but wasnt given a chance or not living up to my potential?

This is my current feelings right now...going through pretty rough patches this period. Plus, the feeling is worse compared to previous incidents due to economic crisis...jobs are there but it's getting kinda scarce...

The feelings kinda paralyse and impact my thinking...feeling down and out...drowned in self pity... i must wake up from my dreams and get on with reality...as I'm penniless soon...

This period also made me realised many things such as saving for the rainy day is damn impt esp now and guess what it is predicted that there will be 7 more to go...if this one doesnt affect you, the next few will eventually...

I'm glad that there are many friends and family members who support me throughout this ordeal...felt bad about several incidents.

One of them is my mum's birthday was celebrated in a pretty nice place (expensive) with special promotion. Being out & about, all I could afford was a cake...it was like so pathetic especially when the previous years, I was like earning a great of $$ (not much - enough to save and spend equally). Hence, I would want to search for the bag that she had thrown into the 3 garbage full of bags... Well, I heard from my gal (ACC) who will be using her hard-earned savings to travel with her mum. Shamed and disappointed were written across my face...hadnt done much for my parents.

One of my guy frens knew that I was down and out met up with me and picked up the bill for the night that we hung out...so sweet...thanks ZQCT.

Normally, I tease my special guest about his financial situation (all the time) . Yet when i'm down and out, he doesnt tease me the way I do and even surprised me with a tote from AB as my birthday pressie...so sweet...thanks SL...muacks!

I used to dance for a period of time...then the dreams were dashed after the chief (she also graduate the same time - WTH) decided that it would be best for me to graduate due to my work and some other incidents. To top this, she insisted to 'chat' with me on a day that I was busiest. One of rules were the dancer MUST not work on Sundays. I want tell her to wake up and smell the coffee esp now where the staff is expected to be multitasking...Honestly, I do not really like her...still not after so many years. The way she kept insisting to speak to me on that day. I recalled it was a Tuesday and the graduation was on the following Sunday...last minute and inconsiderate...Respect is to be earned and she didnt get my respect at all after all the years even though she appeared in those occasions. It was a polite smile and nothing else. Of coz, I wanna keep it this way...people can tell me to move on and immature...the fact that I love to dance and dancing lessons dun come cheap.

Yes, anger and pain have engulfed and are constant companions ... really dun tink I'm strong enough...