Letdown, Failure, Loser

I feel that I'm such a letdown and loser to myself and everybody who is deeply concerned about me as well as my well-being. Feel so lost and not motivated to improve my situation. I've sunken into a deep and dark pit-less hole of no return. Everything is in a mess... relationships are strained, saving depleting, just wanna escape from reality. I'm really lost this time and everybody is waiting for me to stand up on my feet.

I really dont know what's stopping me. Perhaps, I'm defeated by myself and too afraid to face the world of challenges again. I can really see my savings depleted everyday and yet I've not awaken from this reality. Perhaps, I simply dont wanna wake up from this dream, this comfort zone, this layer of fake protection against the truth. My life is falling apart and feel that I dont have any control.

In reality, I think I've stopped living as a human. Just like a walking zombie except that I'm wired to the net. There are times when I feel so comfortable at home that I dont wanna to leave my home to meet anybody at all. Not even going out to take some fresh air or exercise. Kinda shutting myself from the outer world. Basically, I'm letting myself go straight to destruction.

Now, My physical body is hallow just like an empty shell and my spirit as well as mind is gone on hiatus. I dont like living like in this manner but this is somehow my life now.

I really need to stand on my own feet to find my objectives, goals and directions in life again. Needing my compass in life so desperately.

PS : SL & everybody, I'm really sorry to have been a huge disappointment.